Alien Customs: Can You Talk Your Way Past Jupiter's Border Patrol?
By Josh4 min read
Welcome to Jupiter. Please have your luggage — and your very best excuses — ready for inspection.
You've travelled millions of miles across the solar system, and there's only one thing standing between you and a lovely Jovian holiday: customs. Unfortunately, the officer on duty is a deeply suspicious, slightly slimy alien slug who is absolutely convinced that every single item in your bag is a threat to planetary security.
Your socks? Suspicious. Your toothbrush? Highly irregular. Your cucumber? Frankly, an outrage.
Welcome to Alien Customs, the voice game where the only way through the gate is to keep a straight face and play along with the most ridiculous rulebook in the galaxy.
The Setup: Earth Stuff, Alien Rules
You're an Earth traveller arriving at Jupiter's spaceport, and the Customs Officer is going to question the everyday items in your luggage one by one. The catch? Jupiter has its own gloriously absurd laws, and the Officer expects you to know them.
On Jupiter, socks go on your hands. Toothbrushing powers the national grid. Cucumbers are classified as musical instruments. Your job is to answer the Officer's yes-or-no questions in a way that keeps the peace — even when the "right" answer makes absolutely no sense by Earth logic.
How the Inspection Works
Every item gets put under the microscope (sometimes literally — watch out for the scanner ray). The Officer fires off a wonderfully weird question, and you respond with a simple "yes" or "no" — by voice, or by tapping on a screen device.
- Every trip to Jupiter brings 3 items. Give 3 right answers about an item and it's approved.
- Get 2 wrong on the same item and it's rejected. One rejected item and you're denied entry, deported back to Earth in disgrace.
- Get all three items approved and you're cleared. Welcome to Jupiter!
It sounds simple, until the Officer opens his mouth:
- Socks: "On Jupiter, we wear socks on our hands. Will you be doing the same?" (The correct answer might surprise you...)
- Cucumber: "Are you aware that on Jupiter, cucumbers are classified as musical instruments?"
- Laptop: "Jupiter's electricity is generated by tooth brushing. Will you contribute to the power grid?" And later: "Will you be using this laptop to video call people back on Earth?"
There are 15 trips to Jupiter with three items each, and every one of those 45 items comes with its own questions and its own perfectly timed comebacks for when you get it right (or hilariously wrong).
Mind Your Manners (The Officer Is Watching)
Here's a fun twist: the Officer does not take kindly to cheek. Alien Customs has a built-in attitude detector, and it's listening.
Insult the Officer, mock Jupiter's laws, or get sarcastic, and you'll trigger a special reaction — an air horn, a grumpy retort, or a withering put-down. It's a clever, family-friendly nudge that rewards playing along with the joke rather than trying to break it. Be polite to the slug, and the slug might just let you through.
Why It's So Much Fun
The magic of Alien Customs is that it's never the same twice. Each of the 15 trips packs its own three items, every item has its own questions and reactions, and the items come out of your bag in a different order each time, so every run through customs is a fresh comedy sketch.
It's deadpan, it's absurd, and underneath all the bureaucratic grumbling, it's surprisingly wholesome. The Officer might be suspicious of your sandwich, but he secretly loves it when you cooperate. It's the perfect quick-fire game for families who enjoy a bit of silliness — equal parts quiz, comedy, and battle of wits with a very stubborn alien.
How to Play Alien Customs
- Say "Alexa, open Mini Games" on your Alexa device.
- Choose Alien Customs from the game menu.
- Listen as the Officer presents each item and asks his question.
- Answer "yes" or "no" — and try to think like a Jovian!
- Get all 3 items approved to clear customs. One rejected item and you're going home!
- Stay polite... the Officer is always listening.
Love silly, fast-paced voice games? There's a whole galaxy of them waiting in the Mini Games collection. Just say "Alexa, open Mini Games" and dive in.
